Exhausted? Worn Out? It May Be for the Best

Loved the post, “A Necessary Death” by Elizabeth Esther.

Amen! Wish I could give her the biggest hug ever. I know how she feels. I’m there often. Just when I think things are going well, I’m reminded that they aren’t and that ‘well’ is an illusion I see through my pride-goggles.

Elizabeth writes:

For the first time since the twins were born, I just let myself feel the need, the brokenness, the absolute inability to be The Mother I Used To Be. Or the Mother I Want To Be. Or The Mother I Think My Kids Need.

I let all that go.

We went down to the beach and I stood underneath the pier, watching the waves crash around the pilings. It was cold and cloudy with a brisk onshore breeze. The waves were high and I felt a thrill of terror as the waves pounded up the pier corridor.

That’s when it came to me. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

I’m standing at the edge of risk. The vast immensity of responsibility was never my burden to bear alone. And also, I was never supposed to be The Mother I Want to Be. That figment of my imagination was not within my control anyway.

My children don’t need that mother. They just need me, broken, vulnerable, utterly incapable me.

My children don’t love me because I do a great job of propping up my put-together life. Maybe they love me unconditionally. Maybe they love me in my messiness, my disappointments, my weakness.

And what if (scandalous thought), God wants me in my failures and brokenness? Because only when I’m in this place am I willing to surrender, to admit I can’t do it all.

As I read this, I was reminded that Christ came to the end of Himself for our sake. He did so we can live at peace with the Father — free, without guilt, without worry — our souls face to face with His, as naked as the day we were born (Heb 4:12).

Thank God we don’t have to (and can’t even if we tried) hide ourselves from Him. Christ died for us so that when we are right there on death’s door, our souls ready to just give up, He’s right there with us. Best part is, He beat death and rose again… so that we can take His hand and rise with Him.

Philippians 2:1-11 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.