“If you find yourself in the physiological frenzy called ‘flooding’ – racing heart, sweaty palms – stop the argument. Stress hormones inhibit higher cognitive functions, like impulse control and attention. When we feel threatened, we can’t take in new information. In the lab and in therapy sessions, when people take a break, go back to their baseline heart rate and start the conversation again, it’s like they’ve had a brain transplant. Starting a conversation gently is the key to ending it well. ” – John Gottman, Ph.D, co-founder of the Gottman Relationship Institute, as quoted in the January, 2013, issue of Real Simple magazine.
My comment: Yep!
I swear we are related somehow, or maybe you are my long lost sister from another mother…. Laughed when I read your about you, just in case you are wondering I am ENTJ as well.
Lisa,
Why am I not surprised?!
Thanks for reading. Do you find that you experience “flooding”, too, when people yell — especially those whom you esteem highly? So frustrating.
It’s not always convenient to reconvene!
Sarah
Been there, done that! Although for me, more likely with my kids than my hubby, and hard sometimes to take a step back, and look objectively than emotionally. I have to remind myself that I am the grown-up, and that I can’t respond to button pushing.