Yes, I’m kicking and screaming. Yes, it does feel like my teeth are being pulled out – and I can tell you what that feels like both literally and figuratively!
God is putting little beacons of light in my path. Admittedly, they are hard to use because my frustration and anger are great and my walls are very high at the moment. My soul feels like my body does when I’m growling through my 30th (girl-style) push-up. One foot in front of other other, numbly, feeling like stopping, yet trusting that the ground will not collapse underneath me.
I’m praying that the Lord will keep working in my heart, and I am begging Him not give up on me.
This was sent to me from my mother-in-law< - check out her new blog!): = Daily devotions for 06-21-2008: Title: How to Do the Job You Don't Really Want To Do Author: Elisabeth Elliot Book: A Lamp For My Feet Certain aspects of the job the Lord has given me to do are very easy to postpone. I make excuses, find other things that take precedence, and, when I finally get down to business to do it, it is not always with much grace. A new perspective has helped me recently: The job has been given to me to do. Therefore it is a gift. Therefore it is a privilege. Therefore it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Therefore it is the route to sanctity. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness. The discipline of this job is, in fact, the chisel God has chosen to shape me with--into the image of Christ. Thank you, Lord, for the work You have assigned me. I take it as your gift; I offer it back to you. With your help I will do it gladly, faithfully, and I will trust You to make me holy. = On Sunday (15 minutes late to church, but we made it in time for the sermon!), Rev. Dr. Don Stone was our guest pastor and he gave an exposition on Romans 6. From the sermon, this quote made it to my feeble notes: “There are no shortcuts in the cultivation of character.”
Today was the first time I was able to get some serious house cleaning done since Tom left. Our floors were so dirty that if one walked across them barefoot, their feet would be blackened by the time they got from one side of the house to the other. My friend’s daughter Anne-Marie came over and helped me with the children while I scrubbed the floors and cleaned bathroom. How nice it was to not be interrupted every other minute, and what peace of mind to know that no one was peeing on our neighbors flowers or smearing peanut butter all over the walls while my attention was focused elsewhere! What a sweet young woman, too. She played with the children, read to them, and even befriended Leah enough that Leah allowed Anne-Marie to carry her around.
Clean floors are good for the soles ;-)
Very next day – Micah decided to spit Kool-Aid all over the kitchen floor, in a way that purposefully spattered every square inch with purple stickiness.
Wash, rinse, repeat.