Christmas Conflict in July

(This post was started in July… so, I’m keeping the original title post :D )

Hard to believe that Summer ’07 is almost over!

Tom and I are already thinking about our Christmas Eve dinner menu and putting money aside for our family feast.

If there are difficult family situations or past unresolved hurts, it’s very easy for people to dread family gatherings. There’s an expectation that the family holiday events will be as pretty as the cards we get during that time of year.

A friend of mine said:

It’s six months away, and I’m thinking about Christmas already. I’m not worried about shopping, not worried about cooking, not worried about decorating, BUT I am worried about family peace at the holiday.

I’m smiling because I can relate to what you’re talking about here!

Here are some things to consider as you look ahead to the winter holidays:

1. Don’t borrow trouble. After all, it IS July! You don’t actually know what is going to happen, only speculate. It is so easy to get worked up over the what-ifs and lose sight of what is immediately in front of you.

Matthew 6:34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Okay, so point #1 is not to worry about the future. Keeping this in mind, here’s “something to do while you’re waiting” :

2. Pray! Pour your heart out to God. Go beyond “help Christmas be peaceful!” Make a list of all of the family members who will be there. Write down five things you want to pray for about each person – especially their salvation – and stick with it. Pray for wisdom. Pray for humility – yours and theirs. Pray that you would not think more highly of yourself – family members are sinners just like YOU and ME. Pray for soft hearts that will be receptive to hearing the gospel.

3. Work on relationships NOW. This is the time, not Christmas week, to start building relationships.

This means start emailing your family members, or even sending them a snail-mail package with colorings from their favorite grandson/nephew! -ALL of them, not a select few!- and ask “what have you been up to” and let them know what you have been up to.

“Thinking of You” (e-cards or paper ones) cards are FANTASTIC for this! Short and sweet… and a foot in the door! So what if their response is to send you forwarded emails – it’s not my favorite, either! But, at least they’ve added you to the friends list. You’re “data gathering” in a sense, because you’re getting ideas of things to talk about with them when you see them in person – take an interest.

Ah… and what about weird things that happen in families? It’s really pretty common that not everyone will be happy over marriage choices in the family.

If there is a marriage in your family that has created tension:

How can you encourage your sister and brother in law in the Lord as a married couple? Do they have an anniversary coming up? Send them a loving note saying “I am thankful to have you in my family”

SUPPORT them as a married couple. There are MANY people who become saved AFTER they are married. Get some Christian books about marriage. Even simple books with scriptural tidbits like the Five Love Languages would be a great gift, regardless of religion, and would expose them to the Bible.

REMEMBER in your communications NOT TO SPEAK ILL OF OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS or to get caught up listening to and enabling others to gossip.

4. Think positive! Instead of speaking ill, look for positive things, and point THESE out – truthfully building them up to one another! (Ephesians 4:29).

In your correspondence, mention positive things about your relationship with God. Who cares what they think about God – you have the light of Christ in you and, well, if they stand next to you, they’re not going to be in the dark. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden (Matthew 5:14), right?

What does Philippians 4:8 talk about? Maybe they don’t have positive things that readily come to mind.

Help them put-off family conflict issues and put on lovely things to think about instead. They need help with this – and guess who God is sending their way to do this?? YOU!! ;-)

Here’s an idea: Send them a copy of the Purpose Driven Life. It’s BASIC Christianity, practically applied. Read The Purpose Driven Life (or whatever book you give to them) yourself so you can say, “I liked this book so much I wanted to share it with you. I enjoyed looking up the verses in my Bible to help me dig deeper. Please let me know what you think!” How often does someone send you a great book? It’d make me want to read it, just knowing that someone cared about me enough to send it.

5. Plan family activities beforehand. Take charge – ask everyone to bring a photo album of when everyone was younger. (What a great way to get to know your “newer” brother in law!) OR, some other kind of relationship building activity.

Invest in some good group games and bring them with you. In fact, since you’ll be corresponding with your family BEFORE Christmas, TELL them you’re bringing games – so it’s not awkward when you get there and say, “uh… anyone want to play a game?” Set a time in the family event JUST to play games. Everyone can look forward to the tension relief.

Cranium is FUN! Taboo is Fun!

(Do any readers out there have fun, lighthearted family games that would be easy for everyone to play?)

Games are great because they:
-Create a NEW, and HAPPY memory,
-Divert attention from difficult family issues that no one wants to talk about
-Make you laugh! And, “laughter is the best medicine”. Forget tension. Will it matter in 80 years? No. Laugh!

6. Change your perspective.It really could be worse. No matter how quirky your family might be, you have a family. God gave them to you. Give thanks! At least you know your family – there are many people out there who are orphaned or raised by people other than their parents. Or, they never get a chance to meet their siblings. Be thankful that they’re alive! Be thankful that you’re still together after all these years, through thick and thin, and that despite all the tough times – at least it’s not to the point where people have given up and refuse to get together at all. There is still hope! As long as they’re alive, there is still time to reach them for Christ. Move beyond your hurt and frustration and be thankful for yet another opportunity to share Christ with them while they’re still here on earth. We never know when God says our time here – theirs or ours! – is up.

In a nutshell, look for ways you CAN take responsibility and be proactive in making this event honor God . For the things you cannot take responsibility for – like how things actually go TO the choices people make in their spouses – turn these over to the Lord.